I am reminded of a story about intimacy. I had been asked to give feedback and guide a relatively new seminar leader who was giving a talk on this topic. A large crowd showed up to learn more about intimacy and to use this forum to ask questions and learn. I sat in the room listening as people were beginning to share openly and I quickly became dismayed as I observed the lack of warmth, interaction and connection the facilitator had with those who were speaking. The leader was so busy looking at her notes to see what was next she needed to cover, that she missed what was happening in the present moment right in front of her. Others were taking a risk and sharing openly, asking questions and being vulnerable and still no real connection was happening. I watched as people started to become quiet and began to shut down. You see a facilitator has to be a skilled door opener for people and allow them to be able to walk through and resolve any issues they may have. Connecting the dots in our lives is a completion process that is vital before we can move forward.

I vividly remember getting up from my seat and walking down the aisle of this large room filled with people. The Facilitator was still busy turning pages in her book. She did not see me until I was standing right in front of her. I could not help myself as I whispered without a microphone, just for her ears alone, “How can you lead a group on Intimacy when you hardly make any eye contact at all??”, I put her on the spot and hopefully she learned a tough lesson about being present for another without any distractions. This is the core of what intimacy is all about!

How many of us are texting, or looking at our cell phones, distracted when we are with someone who is talking to us?? How many disconnects have you experienced in your relationships both personally and professionally? If your experience of a person whether they are a family member or not is less than satisfying, how often will you repeat being open and vulnerable with them?

We hurt each other sometimes unintentionally by being more focused on something else than those who are right in front of us like our children , spouses, parents, friends and colleagues. We each have a profound effect on each other. Being more acutely aware will not only bring success in every direction, including feeling good about who you are, you will also leave others feeling good about themselves as they have just been heard. What a gift that is for all involved! A real wow! 

What significant others really want is real one on one time and being heard.

While leading a 2-day men’s seminar one of the big questions was what exactly intimacy is. Part of my answer wasn’t what they were looking for. Some were surprised to learn that what their significant others really wanted was real one on one time and being heard. Ok they said this is getting good, still thinking we were going farther I asked if they really knew what their special people really wanted from their relationships with them. What was important besides listening skills and no interruptions was eye contact. Intimacy was already being co-created just by being there for each other. There was so much more that weekend however this was a vital piece. Many men and women called to say thank you. 

Our presence and who we are is special. Not giving others the time of really being in the moment with them cuts you off from experiencing the true gift that you both could have. In a real sense this is the core of being successful in every walk of life, personally and professionally. We all deserve to be with someone without life’s distractions in that moment!

What a difference we could all make in one another’s lives just by being more aware. 

 

As I watch the changes of the season colorfully being painted around the reservoir that we live on, I am reminded of all the changes we all go through in a lifetime. Change is a constant that we can always count on. Most people do not like or feel comfortable with change even though it is always happening. 

We encounter changes on all levels of our lives. Some of us experience a myriad of career changes, relationships change health and loss and gains happen. When I look back at some changes in my life I might not have liked or wanted them all however they all taught me something. One of my life’s lessons came from my Dad. The full impact of what I had learned from him became clearer with every interaction I had in business. My dad was a well-loved and an admired Realtor in our small rural town. He was my mentor in many ways and I am forever blessed with what I had learned just by watching him interact with the public. Dad taught me to respect people from different walks of life and not to be prejudiced or judgmental. As a young girl I watched how kind he was to others. He made friends with every person he met ready to support them with a positive attitude and a helping hand. He was successful, I believe because he created relationships as a primary way of interacting with others. It wasn’t about how many sales he could achieve. It was about assisting others in finding the right home for their budget and their life style. It was for Dad and for me all about developing relationships. Referrals from clients turned into friends made him the success he was. 

I am grateful every day for his teachings. Life can throw some pretty tough curve balls our way at times that I know we have to feel and experience, However I learned to create a time line of dwelling on the tough stuff in life and then to move on. I share these teachings in my seminars and with every person I meet on my life path and career. 

Change is a constant, filled with varied hues of color and emotions at times. What changes have been made easier by mentors that you have had? Who and what are you grateful for? 

A change that I am going through right now is taking care of my elderly mom and watching all the changes she is going through. She has also been my mentor in so many ways, but that is for another post. Change presents the learning of being patient and being present moment to moment. Thank you for allowing me this venue to share some of the teachings I am grateful for.

As I drive down some country roads looking for a house to renovate in your mind’s eye you can hear me asking my dad…. “So dad what do you think???”  

The greatest gift you could give your clients and all of your relationships, is being fully present while you are with them. I am still practicing this myself and when you truly listen to the words that others are speaking without interruptions you are giving them the gift of really being heard. Most of us from time to time have the need to respond before the other is finished communicating and we have all experienced how frustrating that can be…..not being heard. We all could utilize better listening skills, it will help create safety and trust as you get to know your clients or any relationship better. Our personal relationships will also understand that you are truly interested in what they are saying. You don’t always have to have an immediate response to others or be thinking of what you are going to reply as they are speaking because this takes your focus away from them. Better Listening skills will create better results. 

I know that I have had success in resolving participant’s issues in seminars as well as in my personal and professional relationships. Sales go up not down and issues are resolved when you truly care enough to listen and then respond. 

This is a work in progress for me that I always find most rewarding and fulfilling. 

What are you doing to improve your listening/ communication skills?